Aftermath
by ChocolateChipFudgeyCookie
Summary: In which Severus is conflicted and Lily is exasperated.


"Severus."

The word is softly spoken, caressed by a tongue he had never thought to hear again. He thought his heart, already shattered into countless irretrievable fragments could not be destroyed even more than it already was. Yet, he knows he is wrong as his heart re-breaks all over again, just as painful as the first few dozen times. Damnit, hadn't he been through enough for her?

His eyes open and drink in the beauty of his tormentor, who hasn't faded with death, but grown more vibrant, sparkling, the essence of her drowning him in the scent of rosemary. Her favourite potions ingredient is more noticeable than it ever was, and he revels in it, before managing to compose himself for a reply.

"Lily."

She smiles sadly, and treads the grass softly to within a few feet of him before settling on the dewy grass. He looks around to see the grounds of Hogwarts untouched, just as it was when he was at school. He's sitting under the tree they used to study under and it's just like old times. Except for the almost painful reminder in his head that it isn't and it will never be like it was.

"Why not? Why can't it be? Why can't we be the best friends we were?" She asks adruptly. Her eyes are glittering, and god, she's so beautiful when she glares, he notes absently. The word _friends_ is just another not so subtle hint they can never exist as anything more. In another lifetime, this would have angered him, to hide the hurt but now he feels nothing more than a weary resignation.

"We've already established I'm not good enough for you Lily, so can we move past that so you can tell me what kind of afterlife I'm meant to be in? This doesn't look like hell."

He looks at her again, really looks at her. From the slight scattering of freckles across her cheek, to her wild curly locks the colour of flames to her bright eyes, the colour of grass when it is sweet smelling and long, and now currently looking as furious as they ever did.

"Severus Snape, I didn't come here so you could indulge yourself in a pity party! You were everything to me, my best friend, my first love and sometimes I weep when I think of what I lost."

He scowls at her. Funny how when he's with her he can still revert back to his defensive sixteen year old self for protection. "Potter must have banged your head seriously hard with that saucepan, if you could ever delude yourself that I meant anything to you. And besides, what did _you_ lose? You seemed perfectly happy with the idea of shacking up with that dunderhead and producing a whole hoard of Potter bratlets!"

He regrets the words as soon as they come out of his mouth, and he looks everywhere but at her. "Besides, I was a Death Eater, I killed many innocent people, and damnit, _I practically pushed the Dark Lord in your direction._" There, he's said it. He lets the black curtain of hair fall forward to shield his face and waits for her to storm off in anger, like she always does. Did.

"Severus." Her voice is soft, kind. He wasn't expecting that, and he flinches away from her. He'd much rather have her screaming at him.

"Severus, look at me."

He refuses to comply, and the tips of her fingers graze his chin, pushing gently until his coal black eyes meet her grassy ones. I must stop comparing her eyes to grass, he thought. Grass was a putrid shade compared to the loveliness of her emerald orbs.

"I died in spite of what you did," Lily says gently. "I think you'll find that Peter's betrayal was the straw that broke the camel's back. Voldemort would have found out about the prophecy, one way or another."

He stares hard at her in disbelief, almost challenging her to look away. She looks back steadily, with no sign of faltering. God, they were both such stubborn fools, he recalls, never knowing exactly when to stop being idiots and forgive. But the difference between him and Lily was that he was always much quicker to forgive her than her him. He loved her even then, he remembers, when they were both young, fresh into Hogwarts and naively believing something as trivial as different houses could never keep them apart.

Without warning, "God I've missed you." And upon seeing her mouth open to reply, he raises his hand to silence her. She complies, and stares at him attentively, waiting for whatever he needs to get off his chest.

She doesn't have to wait long. "All I've ever wanted, was your forgiveness Lily. For the stupid things that I've done, for not being the best friend I should have been, for letting you die. I deserve to burn for eternity for what I did to you."

Her eyes, those damned eyes are glistening. "Sev, you've always had my forgiveness-"

"Don't say that. I shouldn't have your forgiveness, damnit! I watched while Voldemort openly planned to come to destroy you and your family, and what did I do? I watched, and I let him do it. I didn't come to warn you. You died because of me! I don't deserve any kind words from anyone, especially you!"

It seems like Lily's good temper is beginning to show signs of strain. "Severus, stop that!" She says sharply, and Severus wonders, stop what?

"You need to stop putting me up on a pedestal, like I'm some goddess forever out of your reach, because I'm not perfect and you know that all too well!" Lily exclaims. "While I'm not denying the fact that you probably did contribute to the deaths of James and I, and nearly Harry, you have redeemed yourself a thousand times over. Harry would have been dead if not for you, and Voldemort would never have fallen if not for your actions at the beginning, I am certain of it. What's another two lives, in comparison to a world without darkness? This is what matters to me."

They sit in silence, and Lily thinks her words have finally driven the point home. In any case, Severus no longer looks so haunted, and slightly defeated, and Lily beams inwardly in triumph. Perhaps there's hope for them after all

Severus eventually asks, "Where's Potter then? I can't imagine him being too pleased with this little rendezvous." Time it seems, had managed to erase the bitterness that would once have tainted the seemingly innocent question. Severus had long ago accepted that he was never good for Lily, but that didn't ever stop him loving her.

. "He's off doing something with Sirius. I think they were planning to dye Dumbledore's beard blue. And he's fine with this Severus. He's more than remorseful about how he treated you now he knows the full extent of what you did for Harry."

"As he should be." Severus says calmly. "As I should be." He thinks of something, and smirks. "I should imagine he isn't very happy about the fact that his son named his second born after me."

"Quite tetchy actually." Lily agrees. "I personally thought it was a nice idea." Lily eyes him ruefully. "You aren't going to let him live this down, are you?"

"You mean ensuring your son was able to destroy Voldemort and being able to live to tell the tale? Never." Severus replies, the smirk never leaving his face.

Lily gracefully pulls herself to her feet, and Severus hastens to follow. "I think we should go find James and remind him just how great you are, don't you think?"

"If this is your idea of reconciliation, it's not going to work."

"Who said anything about that? I thought you would appreciate the chance to brag without James being able to hang you upside down for once."

"Don't remind me." Severus winces, and they start to amble in the general direction of the castle, which retains its homelike, comforting aura. "And not just once – I'm going to hold this over Potter for eternity. By the time I'm through with him he'll be wishing for Azkaban."

As they draw closer, Severus can hear a faint buzz of noise from within, and sees Dumbledore waving serenely from a window. In fact, many people have taken notice of their approach, and are acknowledging him respectfully. Severus feels an odd burst off happiness; to be seen as the hero for once is quite a new concept for him.

"We have all eternity you know." Lily murmurs, leading him up the stone steps. "You will always be known as a hero of wizard kind. Besides Harry, of course."

They reach the massive doors, and Severus takes a deep breath, before opening them and striding into the hall confidently. He used to think that home was the castle, but as he glances at a smiling Lily, he realizes home is wherever she is. He is home, finally.


End file.
